DEAR WONDERFUL YOU,
Letters to Adopted & Fostered Youth
Interview with Contributor:
MEI-MEI AKWAI ELLERMAN, PhD
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How did
you become involved with contributing to Dear
Wonderful You: Letters to Adopted & Fostered Youth?
When [Co-Editor] Diane suggested creating an
anthology of letters for the present and future generations of adopted and
fostered youth, I immediately sensed the immense potential of such a project.
Not a second’s hesitation when she asked if I would co-edit the volume! Little
did I realize that it would require hundreds of hours… Yet, I so deeply believe
in the power of Dear Wonderful You [DWY] that I would do it all over again,
even knowing what was required. In my
heart, I know that DWY will bring comfort and inspiration as well as empower
countless younger members of the adoption community. It will also serve as a
magical bridge between parents and their children, offering insights and
answers to often withheld questions and thorny issues.
Tell us
about a memorable letter you have received. How did the letter impact your
life?
When my mother [who took me into her arms at the
age of 7 months] passed away in 1994 at the age of 94, she left a handwritten
letter to be read after her death. It
was a love letter from mother to daughter, started in 1968, the year of my
marriage, many moons ago. A mere 6-7 pages long, it conveyed her boundless love
for me and pride in the person I had become as a woman, partner, mother and
academician. She also repeated words of wisdom that had guided me through
challenging times and reminded me to “always be true to myself.” Tucked in the
same envelope as her letter, I discovered an additional blank envelope. It
contained a map of the main cemetery in Copenhagen. She had placed a large X on
her father’s burial site. Safe as always in her embrace, bathed by her guiding
light, I responded to her tacit encouragement. Mother had always believed that
I would someday become a writer. Her letter was a tacit invitation to visit my
grandfather's gravesite and native country, the Island of Bornholm. I quietly
retired after 30 years of teaching Italian literature and cinema and set out on
a daunting journey of discovery. I traveled the world, spent hours in archives
and libraries and made magical connections with places and people related to my
adoptive family’s history. Simultaneously, I continued my pursuit for my
origins, tentatively begun in 1982. Years later, I am finally revising my first
memoir on the exhilarating search for my roots while working on my original
project of weaving together the threads of my adoptive family’s past.
Mother’s letter revolutionized my life, leading
me to Denmark, China, Thailand, Korea, multiple European countries, Australia
and beyond. In the course of my investigations, driven by tenacity and blessed
by “karma,” I have solved century old mysteries, lifting the veils of secrecy
that enshrouded both my [adoptive] Chinese grandmother’s past and my own birth
and circumstances that made it “top secret.” My extensive journey has also
revealed hidden aspects of my identity, bringing me untold joy, a sense of
wholeness, and serenity.
When
you reflect on who you were as a child—what three words would you use to
describe your younger self?
Effervescent,
curious, trusting.
Pick one:
pencil, pen, sharpie, crayon—
Pen, as
words written in indelible ink, if well crafted and springing from the heart are transformative, profoundly touching and timeless.
If you
were having a really bad day, what song would you listen to?
Plaisir d’Amour [Joy of love: “Joy of love is but a moment
long, Pain of love endures the whole life long”], an ancient French song made
famous in the by Joan Baez in 1961. Guess that dates me!
If you
were having an amazing day, what song would you listen to?
If I had a hammer: “If I had a
Hammer…
It's
the hammer of Justice.
It's the bell of Freedom.
It's the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,
All over this land.
It's the bell of Freedom.
It's the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,
All over this land.
(First sung by Pete Seeger in 1949 [not when I first heard it!])
Pick one:
morning, afternoon, evening, late night
Late night! I have always been a night owl, though my night
usually slips into the early hours of the morning: 4-5AM.
Name a
literary character whose “character” you find admirable. Why?
Mulan, a classical Chinese legendary figure, based on the heroine
of an ancient ballad that dates back to the 5th Century AD, [nothing
to do with the Disney version!] Though a girl, her father raised Mulan as a
boy. Skilled at weaving and embroidery, she also became an expert in martial
arts and fought in her father’s place with the Imperial army to defend China.
She embodied loyalty, courage, power, great heart and adaptability.
Pick one:
blank piece of paper, lined piece of paper, piece of construction paper—
Blank piece of paper because it allows one complete liberty to
create: art, music, poetry, fiction, a song, and so much more.
Describe
your perfect dessert.
A mango, perfectly ripened, sliced and presented in the form of a
flower on a delicate porcelain plate.
Would you
describe yourself as superstitious? Why or why not?
Not superstitious though I have maintained certain silly
“traditions” from my childhood: I say “rabbit” at midnight of the first day of
every month- brings good luck! Also hold my breath going through wooden covered
bridges [like ones in Vermont] and make a wish. On a more serious note, as a
Reiki master, I douse on many issues.
When you
are writing, do you prefer silence or sound? Why?
Total silence except for the whistling of the wind, dancing of
rain drops against my window, twittering of birds, and occasional barking of
the deer. I can work in virtually any situation but find that writing late at
night with no distractions, grants me the freedom to travel in another
dimension where time becomes meaningless and I can let my imagination soar.
Pick one:
Coffee, tea, water, soda—
Chrysanthemum
tea in a small Chinese blue and white porcelain cup.
What is
the first thing you do when you get out of bed in the morning?
Stretching exercises and deep breathing with my eyes closed.
Tell us
about your life now. What are you working on? Do you have any projects recently
released or in the works?
As
mentioned above, I have two books that are works in progress, "In Pursuit of
Images and Shadows: A Chinese Daughter Journeys into Her [Adoptive] Mother’s
Past" and "Circles of Healing, Circles of Love: A Labyrinthine Journey in
Search of My Origins." I am also submitting several short pieces for
publication in various journals. I continue to actively fundraise for Polaris
[leading anti-human trafficking NGO that among other programs operates the sole
National Human Trafficking Hotline and Resource Center], and to give
presentations on modern day slavery and how to become personally involved in
the fight against trafficking. [www.polarisproject.org]
Both my writing and advocacy include a deep
commitment to adoption issues. Will continue to fight for access to original
birth certificates and medical information for all adoptees, and probe more
deeply into the dark underworld of trafficking in adoptions in collaboration
with Polaris.
Still more research for my two books lies ahead,
some in the US. In addition, I expect to return to my Danish grandfather’s
gravesite to share with him everything I have discovered over the past 20
years! Ideally, I would also like to go to Wonsan, Korea where my mother was
born, but given the present political situation, it remain forever a dream.
Though to my immense joy I have found close blood relatives both on my paternal
and maternal sides, I am curious to find out if there are any other unknown
relatives. I plan to send off my kit to 23andme…
In my spare time between writing, social
activism and managing several houses, I have my vast extended family with whom
I wish to spend far more time, especially the grandchildren. I hope to pass on
to them at least part of the legacy of love, compassion and drive to change the
world for the better which I received as a lifelong gift from my beloved
mother. At my age, each day counts: it brings challenges, adventures and the
opportunity to live fearlessly, just doing what feels “right,” heedless of
others’ opinions!
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